My Boyfriend's Back!

He went away....or so the lyrics of this popular oldies song begin. Yes, friends...I haven't had much exciting dating news these days, but an old monster from my past re-surfaced in my life today.

We all remember crazy Rolls. I mean, this dude. was. nuts. I didnt even have a chance to tell the second part of that saga yet. Long story short...Rolls contact me about a month after he went off on me and apologized and wanted to hang out again. Why I accepted his apology or invitation is beyond me, but hey...we all make mistakes. We went to a baseball game, and to say it was awkward is a UNDERSTATEMENT. Remembering that night makes me break out in hives, in fact. I thanked the baseball gods when, after just an hour or so, he decided to leave. The following day I received "how do you think that went text" from Rolls. To which I responded "I think we should just be friends." Which again, was a stretch.

Rolls then went onto a tirade about how he preferred my friend, whom he spoke to all of 5 seconds when i went to the bathroom. Who was also there with her boyfriend. He also told me we were on different dance floors. Literally the man told me that "he wanted to face dance, and I wanted to slow dance." I didnt want to touch him, let alone dance.

So Rolls and I went our separate ways. During playoffs he wrote a very inappropriate comment on my facebook wall. It was berating me for my amazing baseball team of choice, saying it was a good thing we didnt work out because he hated that team. Um, sir. No no no. Sure, it would have been funny if we were friends, or uh even hung out 3+ times. Luckily I was stalking on facebook that day and deleted the post immediately.

Today Rolls popped up again. He was de-friending people with this rational: "Going from 500 to 200 friends...Sorry if you dont see me on here anymore, and dont take offense. If I have to read about how someone's boss is really pissing them off today, or how someone thinks they have the best BF in the world, I want them to be someone I give a damn about, not the friend of someone I give a damn about or someone I havent spoken to in 10 years. Later"

And you know what, I actually get that. Do what you gotta do man. Certainly, I thought..this was the end of my FB friendship with Rolls. And good riddance.

To my surprise, I made the facebook cut. How could this be, I actually pondered to myself for a second. And then went about my business. Until.....up pops a message in my gchat informing me someone has written on my wall. As if he had read my mind, he read: "If you were wondering...you made the cut because you're cute =)"

Shudder.

Again, really? Rolls. C'mon. Luckily, again I was monitoring my gchat like a hawk so I deleted the post. This kid actually has a girlfriend now. What possess people to do such things?

Anyways, I know I have the power to de-friend Rolls whenever I please. But instead of pissing me off like last time, this time was actually amusing. Sure, I don't want that written on my wall. And yes, one weekend if, god forbid, I leave facebook unattended for hours, nay, days at a time, he could write something beyond these crazy shenanigans on there. But for now, it provided me some entertainment. And good reading for you dear people.

So, I'm sure, sooner or later, I'm going to have to de-friend Rolls. But for now, I'll persist in this dysfunctional facebook friendship for the sake of my craft...and your amusement.

Out Like a Lion

In like a lamb, out like a lion...or so the old saying goes in reference to the kooky weather variances that come with the month of March. I'm not really sure how March rang in - but I'm pretty sure having a dusting of snow this weekend with a chance for more this coming week does not qualify as "out like a lamb." Ugh, snow in nearly April? I look forward longingly to spring every year and March is my mixed bag...but April is supposed to save me. It'll be a high of 46 degrees on Friday. Bah. hum.bug.

This is also effing severely with my sinuses and allergies. Mother nature is not entirely to blame however. My recent adventures in NYC and March madness game watching have not helped my fragile immune system. I absolutely loathe going to the doctor, but 1 week+ of being sick has worn me down....I'll be making a trip to the good ole clinic tomorrow.

So although my winter clothes have been worn out for the season, and my boots need resoling....I guess I'll have to keep them out for a bit longer. Silver lining...maybe this means DC Summer 2k11 won't be a suana in hell like last year's :)

The Heart of Life

I apologize in advance to any of my male readers, as this may be TMI. But hell, this is my blog...read on at your own risk. Once a month, ladies receive a lovely gift from mother nature. During this time period, their bodies go through hell - interaction with other humans should cease during this time period that can be likened to an emotional roller coaster. After years and years worth of experiencing this "cycle," I've come to realize two things:

1) Just a few days before, I am like the happiest person in the world. I'd like to think I'm generally a positive person, but Sunday I was just generally on cloud nine. Sure, I was hungover as hell, had an hour of my life/sleep/lazy time snatched away from me and overanalyzing regrettable events of a drunken evening past, but all things considered, I was feeling swell. I went for a walk around the mall, the sun was out, the birds were chipping, life was good.

2) Fast forward to today - my B word side came out hardcore. I was at dinner with friends and trying with all my willpower to suck up my suckiness (yes, I used suck twice in once sentence). I made it all the way to the metro, and unfortunately couldnt make it to my metro stop before my nastiness started creeping out. My friend understood the predicament, as all good lady friends have uh, been there done that, countless times. She gave me a pat on the back, told me to go drink some wine and eat some chocolate, and I was on my way.

Now, for the past hour I've just been shitting ('scuse the lang., but it applies) around on my computer. And I've also been listening on repeat to John Mayer's The Heart of Life song, on repeat. I'm really not sure what that says about me right now. There was a time in my life when John Mayer annoyed the hell out of me. But in recent years, I've found myself quite drawn to his crazy, yet poignant melodies. In all seriousness, I think this is a beautiful song with genuinely meaningful lyrics. But for right now, this is what I'm hearing:

Pain throws your heart to the ground = Ovaries crush your stomach in angry spasms

Love turns the whole thing around = Chocolate can cure this.

No it wont all go the way it should = Sometimes, even that 5th popped advil wont do the trick

But i know the heart of life is good = oh, mother nature wins, regardless.

The fact that I just compared a John Mayer song to a menstrual cycle is making me wonder how I am possibly still single!?

My deepest apologies for this most random post. Time to OD on Midol...

Lookin' Good

I started this blog a couple years ago as a way to put my thoughts down about books I had read - thus the super catchy and appropriate title! At the time, I was very interested in getting into the book publishing business, and this was my outlet to discuss books, publishing etc.

But, let's be honest - that can get a little boring. So, slowly, this blog evolved, and I started writing more about personal issues in my life. I think laughter is the best medicine so many of these posts have been written from this mindset. This blog also became a place for me to vent, and much to my reader's probable disinterest - sometimes even a diary.

It's followed my interest in the book industry to environmental happenings, to ridiculous dating stories. As my interests change and grow, I hope this blog will continue to document them. With all this change in mind, and the upcoming much needed transition from winter to spring, I decided to give this blog a makeover. It's not much - still incorporates my obsession with purple. But I hope it makes it a little more reader friendly.

I've also been thinking about giving myself a little makeover. With warmer weather approaching I'm trying to get more in shape. I always want to lose that last 5-10 pounds, and try and get more "toned." I've had a little obsession with getting really toned arms for a few years now. I dont wanna bulk up, by any means. But a nice little definition would go a long way. I swim, take spin classes, etc., but I think to see a chance in my muscle definition I gotta step it up a bit. So for the rest of March, I'm going to challenge myself to do 10 pushups a day. That doesnt seem like a lot, but its a start!

Just Keep Swimming

I'm writing this post incredibly exhausted. Tuesdays have become my "dreaded" day at work due to various tasks I have to perform that I don't enjoy, and other looming deadlines. But Tuesdays are also becoming one of my favorite days because I've taken on a part-time. I'm not getting paid an economic incentive, but it has been well worth it. I'm trying to train my friends to get ready for a triathalon. Sure, they have the biking and running parts down, but swimming - that's another story.

Having been a swimmer all my life, I forgot how difficult the sport could be to learn as an adult. I guess most things are harder to learn as adults actually. Think about learning a language - kids pick up languages far faster than most adults. I think swimming is the same.

A couple weeks ago we had our first lesson and I assessed the skills of my new students. They weren't hopeless, but after a few strokes ended in my friend swallowing half the pool water, I knew we had a long road ahead of us. They were overwhelmed by all the moving parts required in swimming. They were, understandably, overthinking it.

So we went back to basics tonight. Body position in the water, followed by drill after drill after drill. And just like that, they were able to swim a lap. Well, almost a full lap. Not only did they look better, they promised that it felt easier. And, while swimming is a sport, and requires skills and athletic ability, it should also have a naturalness to it.

I could tell they were struggling against the water during some of the drills, as they willed their bodies to stay afloat. But we're all naturally buoyant. It takes some people a little longer to float along the top, but if you have faith in the water, and yourself....you'll rise to the top.

And just keep swimming.

Untitled

Ah Valentine's Day. Today I started thinking about love. And all the different types of love that exist. There are so many.

There's the love between a parent and a child. This is a complicated love. It grows and changes over time — as most loves do. But unlike most loves, this is an undeniable bond. For the lucky, even if the bond seems like it's been broken forever, there is an unnamed force that brings mother and daughter, father and son, back together. This love starts at basic protection; morphs into an endless battle in the teenage years; and then one day is revealed to be one of the most necessary relationships. Your parents have been there...they know what they are talking about.

There's the love of a friend. This can also sometimes be a volatile relationship, but more often than not, any quarrel ends in laughter over a few glasses — or bottles — of wine. The love of a friend makes the good times amazing, and the hard times better. When you can't stop the tears from falling, the love of a good friend makes the "I can't go on" moments...live-able. You might talk every day, multiple times a day, or you might live plane rides away. But when you talk to that person, it's like no time, or distance, has passed.

Then there's the one who got away. He surprised you and slowly, secretly stole pieces of your heart, before you had a chance to reclaim them. It's memories that won't fade. The one who taught you to forgive. He showed you how to feel again through the darkness. You wake up and wonder, when did I lose the reason or the rhyme? It might be someone that held your heart for just a moment, or a lifelong lover. It's the one that, despite the heartache, makes you smile when you remember their laugh. Or their goofy grin. And as strange as it is, you hope nothing but the best for them. And eventually, after enough tears and time, you learn that it will let you go.

And then there's the "true love." This is love I know not of. It's the love you think you've found, but sometimes fades, or more than often, is ripped away. You'll know it the moment that you forget about the many breaks and mends in your heart (I hope). He'll take you by the hand and your fears will fade. It's the jumping around in the moonlit hallway after the door closes post first, second, sixth date....somehow keeps getting better. You feel fresh and new. It's hope. It's grace. It's right. I think it will be like all your favorite things — different for everybody but exactly fitting for you. Of all the old stories that have funny names, this is untitled.

Crazy as Me

Some nights, I just like to kick back, light a candle, listen to some mellow tunes on Pandora...and chill out. I do this a lot more during the winter since I like to hibernate when its cold outside. Sure, I'll enjoy an occasional snow - who doesn't like biting it on the way to work on black ice? But in general, on a cold winter night I'd rather be wrapped up in a blanket, next to a fire.

Lucky for me, I was able to do just that tonight. One of my other favorite things to do is discover new music that I like. Thank you Pandora! Case in point - tonight I discovered the song Crazy as Me by Alison Kraus. If you don't know the wonders of her music - check it out. She's a bit off the beaten path (down the lane to bluegrass a little), but that's what makes her unique. And, I love the lyrics:

Crazy As Me

I'm used to being alone

Except for six month flings with diamond rings

And phone bills that outweigh the phone

This is the life that I chose

I got no complaints if he is

If he ain't, and if he is I guess he'll send me a rose

Just don't ask me for the truth if you choose to lie honey

And don't try to open my door with your skeleton key

Some folks seem to think I only got one problem

I can't find nobody as crazy as me.

I still love what I know

I love to ride alone and sing a song and listen to the radio

You can ride along and if you change mind, well

That's just fine, but there's somethin' that you got to know

Just don't ask me for the truth if you choose to lie honey

And don't try to open my door with your skeleton key

Some folks seem to think I only got one problem

I can't find nobody as crazy as me.

:)

I Don't Care About Your Band

I'm not sure if it's that February is the month for lovers, or my recent dating demise, but for some reason this month, I have the urge to write about matters of the heart. I think when you are dealing with such issues, the only good way to do so is with a bit of humor. I mean, if we cant laugh it off, what is the point?

Last summer I read a hilarious book, on this particular subject: I Dont Care About Your Band - What I Learned from Indie Rockers, Trust Funders, Pornographers, Felons, Faux Sensitive Hipsters, and Other Guys I've Dated by Julie Klausner. It's the true story of comedy writer Julie Klausner's rocky road to "romantic enlightenment." It's described as a book about the humiliations we endure to find love and the lessons that can be culled from the wreckage.

I think this book is what I hope portions of this blog to be - a comedic look into insights of dating the interesting, damaged and crazy characters out there. I'm far from a comedian, but she is ...funny. Check it out.

Some of my favorite quotes from this book:

• (Theory on guys vs. women): A man is hard to find, good or otherwise, but guys are everywhere now...Meanwhile, I know way more women than girls...The problem is that we ended up at the mercy of a generation of guys who don't quite seem to know what's expected of them, whether it's earning a double income or texting someone after she blows you. There are no more traditions or standards, and manners are like cleft chins or curly hair - they only run in some families....It seems like everybody is just confused.
• As long as I can remember, I've had to fight off urges to chase and conquer boys who seem blase. It's decidedly unladylike.
• When you're young, and you're habitually dating the damaged, and they don't come through, you have to make the conscious choice to separate the columns in your head that say "This is who i am" and This is how I am being treated." And then you have to figure out how to let go of somebody who's gone, not because your pacified in the realization that you're not liked, but because you figure out that maybe you're the one who doesn't like him. Not just how he acts, but who he is. And then you have to decide if you want to keep going out with guys you don't think are great, or if you like yourself enough to hang out for a while on your own.
• Being the only girl seems like an awful lot of attention, and I was used to feeling like I did backflips for the interest of the one attractive guy who came around every second solstice.
• That's a rule I made up that I think is a good one: If I'm iffy about being attracted to somebody right away, but he goes about pursuing me in a way I think is upstanding, I always give the guy a second chance. It's a way to be strict about your standards, but open-minded about your contenders. Men are way more likely to become more appealing to you over time than they are to magically grow manners.

There are some other funnier, raunchier quotes and insights in this book. But I'll leave that up to you to explore in due time. And one of these days I'll get back to my own writing. For now, though, I'm reflecting on thoughts from those far wiser than me.

Moment in February

I'm stealing this quote from one of my favorite blogs. Her blog is so refreshing and reminds me that each day...is a new day.

"There came a moment in February when the gray sky seemed to drop so low it brushed the top of one's hair, while the slush reached over the tops of shoes and the dry skins on one's face felt as if it were being stretched on a rack and cured for glove leather. Love itself seemed old and worn-out, like she shoes bleached white and brittle from the salt" - Jay McInerney, Brightness Falls

January is usually dreary, and February can follow suit. I don't want to rush time along, heaven's knows it slips by too fast already. But even on the sunniest and bright winter days, I can't help but long for spring...and new beginnings :)

Food Fight

Well...another one bites the dust. I was really hoping this person would not make my blog...but eventually the first date nerves lead to dropped food, butterflies before front door kisses inevitably end in a silent cell phone.

It all starts with hope, and a little trepidation. He's not exactly what you expected - soft-spoken, but with a little prodding, his silly side comes out. He's polite and attentive. He serves you a piece of pizza, but it slips off the plate and slides into your lap. He's embarrassed, you find it cute and you both laugh it off. You look around and see you're the only two still there, as someone sweeps up the pieces of food left by other evening diners. You can't contain your excitement after he drops you at the metro...leaving you with wonder, but hope at what might come.

Then you meet again. And again. You don't realize how much time is going by, as you sit in an empty bar and just talk for hours. It's chilly and you've forgot your gloves, so he lends you his. You brush his hand and hold in a squeel when he finally grabs your hand on the long walk home. He holds on a little tighter as you pass the homeless man, and you feel safe. It's hard to beat those first few new kisses. It's cold outside, but you feel nothing but warmth.

He's attentive, he's genuine, he's sweet. You get a good feeling. It's going fast, but it's going exactly how it should, you think. He opens up to you, you are both vulnerable. You thought you wouldn't get to this point again, but sure enough, here you are again. Yes, those old insecurities rear their ugly head, but you think, this one is different. And you try and trust it. You jump around like a 16-year old as soon as you're safely inside and he's walked to his car.

Then, as subtle as a shifting wind at first, you feel something is off. His pursuit has changed and you don't know how to react. No, that isn't your cell phone going off, and it wont. You try to change your perspective; protect yourself first. It's hard to let something with so much potential go for reasons beyond your control and beyond your understanding. As much as you want to know the reasons, eventually you just accept it. The reasons really aren't as important as the steps you need to take to let go of something that's no longer working.

The past month I got to know someone who I thought could potentially be something very special in my life. He ended up not being that in the end. And while I do have some "blog-worthy" material, and tend to deal with heartache with humor, this one was a bit different. He even said he was trying his best to not make my blog. But I guess fate had other ideas.

Don't despair dear readers. At some point I'm sure I'll be able to delve into the more humorous parts of our courtship. There certainly were blog-worthy moments. But for now, in an effort to make my time with him not a total wash, and in an effort to look at the positive, let me say that I got to spend a short time with someone who, I think deep down is a genuinely good person. For whatever reason, his interest in me waned. But January is always a pretty lame month in my opinion, so I got some fun and excitement out of it. And now, I know that the next (or eventual) guy, can only be that much better. And will also hopefully not throw food at me on our first date :)

The Bachelor: Rolls Part 1

It's been a while, and I realized there are still lots of great/entertaining moments from 2010 that I did not have a proper chance to dish about. The Bachelor, also just came back on the air, and in that spirit, I'd like to bring back my version of the Bachelorette: Re-tards of the Dating World. In this episode, Chris and a true crazy, Rolls, discuss the roller coaster, er should we say "slow dance" of this doomed relationship.

Chris: Rolls, what is your protocol after a first date typically?

Rolls: Ok, Chris. I know where you are going with this. I'm a writer. I like to EXPRESS (mimics Madonna hand motions) myself. We had an AMAZING first date. I mean, it truly was the best 40 dollars I had spent in years. And we...

Chris: Stop. I read this transcript. And let me stop you right here and tell you that if you had simply said that, that would have been enough.

Rolls: Oh hell, no it wasn't enough. Like I said, we got along like a freakin' house on fire, and she deserved to know that. I wanted to see her the next morning, but she said she was busy. And afternoon. And evening. And busy all weekend. I had to sneak my time in so I invited myself to her friend's house warming party. I only hoped that her friends wouldn't rain on the smoldering fire we had built.

Chris: And this was all expressed through text?

Rolls: My finest work to date.

Chris: Uh huh. But you two had a rocky situation, despite the flower-and-roses beginning.

Rolls: I mean I gave her MY ALL. I told her, you have to keep this thing going, so I'd constantly text her question. After question. After question. From the time she got to work, 'til the time she went to bed. And one night, the b-word didn't respond...immediately. I mean, what should she possibly have been doing besides talking to me? And i was all like i KNEW you would do this.

Chris: And this was how long into dating?

Rolls: Uh, post date-two....clearly on the road to engagement.

Chris: Right.

Rolls: So then I tried to take her out dancing, I tried everything, but she was always sooo busy. I mean HOW did she expect to get a boyfriend acting like that.

Chris: I believe the lady in question pre-warned you she'd be busy for a bit.

Rolls: BULL. Game players. I don't wanna be a player anymore.

Chris: Seriously, dude? She was moving, starting a new job...

Rolls: Not acceptable. I mean I showered her with attention day in and day out, asking her every aspect of her day, what was the favorite, least favorite, if she had fish, turkey or chicken for lunch and how many buttons were on her blouse and did she once, ever ask me "Oh hey Rolls....So what is your favorite holiday and why? How about favorite obscure random tv character...and why." NO. NOT ONCE.

Chris: Yeah, I could see that as coming off as uninterested??

Rolls: Totally. So I finally said, Yo...I am squashing this shit.

Chris: That's how you ended it?

Rolls: I made sure to also inform her that she was F*ing boring too.

Chris: Well, that's real mature of you.

Rolls: Weird, she told me the same thing.

Chris: And yes, audience, let me point out that this was not the end of this romantic disaster. For, a mere month later, Rolls came crawling back. But that's all the time - and craziness - we can take for one episode. More on Rolls part duex next time.