My Boyfriend's Back!

He went away....or so the lyrics of this popular oldies song begin. Yes, friends...I haven't had much exciting dating news these days, but an old monster from my past re-surfaced in my life today.

We all remember crazy Rolls. I mean, this dude. was. nuts. I didnt even have a chance to tell the second part of that saga yet. Long story short...Rolls contact me about a month after he went off on me and apologized and wanted to hang out again. Why I accepted his apology or invitation is beyond me, but hey...we all make mistakes. We went to a baseball game, and to say it was awkward is a UNDERSTATEMENT. Remembering that night makes me break out in hives, in fact. I thanked the baseball gods when, after just an hour or so, he decided to leave. The following day I received "how do you think that went text" from Rolls. To which I responded "I think we should just be friends." Which again, was a stretch.

Rolls then went onto a tirade about how he preferred my friend, whom he spoke to all of 5 seconds when i went to the bathroom. Who was also there with her boyfriend. He also told me we were on different dance floors. Literally the man told me that "he wanted to face dance, and I wanted to slow dance." I didnt want to touch him, let alone dance.

So Rolls and I went our separate ways. During playoffs he wrote a very inappropriate comment on my facebook wall. It was berating me for my amazing baseball team of choice, saying it was a good thing we didnt work out because he hated that team. Um, sir. No no no. Sure, it would have been funny if we were friends, or uh even hung out 3+ times. Luckily I was stalking on facebook that day and deleted the post immediately.

Today Rolls popped up again. He was de-friending people with this rational: "Going from 500 to 200 friends...Sorry if you dont see me on here anymore, and dont take offense. If I have to read about how someone's boss is really pissing them off today, or how someone thinks they have the best BF in the world, I want them to be someone I give a damn about, not the friend of someone I give a damn about or someone I havent spoken to in 10 years. Later"

And you know what, I actually get that. Do what you gotta do man. Certainly, I thought..this was the end of my FB friendship with Rolls. And good riddance.

To my surprise, I made the facebook cut. How could this be, I actually pondered to myself for a second. And then went about my business. Until.....up pops a message in my gchat informing me someone has written on my wall. As if he had read my mind, he read: "If you were wondering...you made the cut because you're cute =)"

Shudder.

Again, really? Rolls. C'mon. Luckily, again I was monitoring my gchat like a hawk so I deleted the post. This kid actually has a girlfriend now. What possess people to do such things?

Anyways, I know I have the power to de-friend Rolls whenever I please. But instead of pissing me off like last time, this time was actually amusing. Sure, I don't want that written on my wall. And yes, one weekend if, god forbid, I leave facebook unattended for hours, nay, days at a time, he could write something beyond these crazy shenanigans on there. But for now, it provided me some entertainment. And good reading for you dear people.

So, I'm sure, sooner or later, I'm going to have to de-friend Rolls. But for now, I'll persist in this dysfunctional facebook friendship for the sake of my craft...and your amusement.

Out Like a Lion

In like a lamb, out like a lion...or so the old saying goes in reference to the kooky weather variances that come with the month of March. I'm not really sure how March rang in - but I'm pretty sure having a dusting of snow this weekend with a chance for more this coming week does not qualify as "out like a lamb." Ugh, snow in nearly April? I look forward longingly to spring every year and March is my mixed bag...but April is supposed to save me. It'll be a high of 46 degrees on Friday. Bah. hum.bug.

This is also effing severely with my sinuses and allergies. Mother nature is not entirely to blame however. My recent adventures in NYC and March madness game watching have not helped my fragile immune system. I absolutely loathe going to the doctor, but 1 week+ of being sick has worn me down....I'll be making a trip to the good ole clinic tomorrow.

So although my winter clothes have been worn out for the season, and my boots need resoling....I guess I'll have to keep them out for a bit longer. Silver lining...maybe this means DC Summer 2k11 won't be a suana in hell like last year's :)

The Heart of Life

I apologize in advance to any of my male readers, as this may be TMI. But hell, this is my blog...read on at your own risk. Once a month, ladies receive a lovely gift from mother nature. During this time period, their bodies go through hell - interaction with other humans should cease during this time period that can be likened to an emotional roller coaster. After years and years worth of experiencing this "cycle," I've come to realize two things:

1) Just a few days before, I am like the happiest person in the world. I'd like to think I'm generally a positive person, but Sunday I was just generally on cloud nine. Sure, I was hungover as hell, had an hour of my life/sleep/lazy time snatched away from me and overanalyzing regrettable events of a drunken evening past, but all things considered, I was feeling swell. I went for a walk around the mall, the sun was out, the birds were chipping, life was good.

2) Fast forward to today - my B word side came out hardcore. I was at dinner with friends and trying with all my willpower to suck up my suckiness (yes, I used suck twice in once sentence). I made it all the way to the metro, and unfortunately couldnt make it to my metro stop before my nastiness started creeping out. My friend understood the predicament, as all good lady friends have uh, been there done that, countless times. She gave me a pat on the back, told me to go drink some wine and eat some chocolate, and I was on my way.

Now, for the past hour I've just been shitting ('scuse the lang., but it applies) around on my computer. And I've also been listening on repeat to John Mayer's The Heart of Life song, on repeat. I'm really not sure what that says about me right now. There was a time in my life when John Mayer annoyed the hell out of me. But in recent years, I've found myself quite drawn to his crazy, yet poignant melodies. In all seriousness, I think this is a beautiful song with genuinely meaningful lyrics. But for right now, this is what I'm hearing:

Pain throws your heart to the ground = Ovaries crush your stomach in angry spasms

Love turns the whole thing around = Chocolate can cure this.

No it wont all go the way it should = Sometimes, even that 5th popped advil wont do the trick

But i know the heart of life is good = oh, mother nature wins, regardless.

The fact that I just compared a John Mayer song to a menstrual cycle is making me wonder how I am possibly still single!?

My deepest apologies for this most random post. Time to OD on Midol...

Lookin' Good

I started this blog a couple years ago as a way to put my thoughts down about books I had read - thus the super catchy and appropriate title! At the time, I was very interested in getting into the book publishing business, and this was my outlet to discuss books, publishing etc.

But, let's be honest - that can get a little boring. So, slowly, this blog evolved, and I started writing more about personal issues in my life. I think laughter is the best medicine so many of these posts have been written from this mindset. This blog also became a place for me to vent, and much to my reader's probable disinterest - sometimes even a diary.

It's followed my interest in the book industry to environmental happenings, to ridiculous dating stories. As my interests change and grow, I hope this blog will continue to document them. With all this change in mind, and the upcoming much needed transition from winter to spring, I decided to give this blog a makeover. It's not much - still incorporates my obsession with purple. But I hope it makes it a little more reader friendly.

I've also been thinking about giving myself a little makeover. With warmer weather approaching I'm trying to get more in shape. I always want to lose that last 5-10 pounds, and try and get more "toned." I've had a little obsession with getting really toned arms for a few years now. I dont wanna bulk up, by any means. But a nice little definition would go a long way. I swim, take spin classes, etc., but I think to see a chance in my muscle definition I gotta step it up a bit. So for the rest of March, I'm going to challenge myself to do 10 pushups a day. That doesnt seem like a lot, but its a start!

Just Keep Swimming

I'm writing this post incredibly exhausted. Tuesdays have become my "dreaded" day at work due to various tasks I have to perform that I don't enjoy, and other looming deadlines. But Tuesdays are also becoming one of my favorite days because I've taken on a part-time. I'm not getting paid an economic incentive, but it has been well worth it. I'm trying to train my friends to get ready for a triathalon. Sure, they have the biking and running parts down, but swimming - that's another story.

Having been a swimmer all my life, I forgot how difficult the sport could be to learn as an adult. I guess most things are harder to learn as adults actually. Think about learning a language - kids pick up languages far faster than most adults. I think swimming is the same.

A couple weeks ago we had our first lesson and I assessed the skills of my new students. They weren't hopeless, but after a few strokes ended in my friend swallowing half the pool water, I knew we had a long road ahead of us. They were overwhelmed by all the moving parts required in swimming. They were, understandably, overthinking it.

So we went back to basics tonight. Body position in the water, followed by drill after drill after drill. And just like that, they were able to swim a lap. Well, almost a full lap. Not only did they look better, they promised that it felt easier. And, while swimming is a sport, and requires skills and athletic ability, it should also have a naturalness to it.

I could tell they were struggling against the water during some of the drills, as they willed their bodies to stay afloat. But we're all naturally buoyant. It takes some people a little longer to float along the top, but if you have faith in the water, and yourself....you'll rise to the top.

And just keep swimming.

Untitled

Ah Valentine's Day. Today I started thinking about love. And all the different types of love that exist. There are so many.

There's the love between a parent and a child. This is a complicated love. It grows and changes over time — as most loves do. But unlike most loves, this is an undeniable bond. For the lucky, even if the bond seems like it's been broken forever, there is an unnamed force that brings mother and daughter, father and son, back together. This love starts at basic protection; morphs into an endless battle in the teenage years; and then one day is revealed to be one of the most necessary relationships. Your parents have been there...they know what they are talking about.

There's the love of a friend. This can also sometimes be a volatile relationship, but more often than not, any quarrel ends in laughter over a few glasses — or bottles — of wine. The love of a friend makes the good times amazing, and the hard times better. When you can't stop the tears from falling, the love of a good friend makes the "I can't go on" moments...live-able. You might talk every day, multiple times a day, or you might live plane rides away. But when you talk to that person, it's like no time, or distance, has passed.

Then there's the one who got away. He surprised you and slowly, secretly stole pieces of your heart, before you had a chance to reclaim them. It's memories that won't fade. The one who taught you to forgive. He showed you how to feel again through the darkness. You wake up and wonder, when did I lose the reason or the rhyme? It might be someone that held your heart for just a moment, or a lifelong lover. It's the one that, despite the heartache, makes you smile when you remember their laugh. Or their goofy grin. And as strange as it is, you hope nothing but the best for them. And eventually, after enough tears and time, you learn that it will let you go.

And then there's the "true love." This is love I know not of. It's the love you think you've found, but sometimes fades, or more than often, is ripped away. You'll know it the moment that you forget about the many breaks and mends in your heart (I hope). He'll take you by the hand and your fears will fade. It's the jumping around in the moonlit hallway after the door closes post first, second, sixth date....somehow keeps getting better. You feel fresh and new. It's hope. It's grace. It's right. I think it will be like all your favorite things — different for everybody but exactly fitting for you. Of all the old stories that have funny names, this is untitled.

Crazy as Me

Some nights, I just like to kick back, light a candle, listen to some mellow tunes on Pandora...and chill out. I do this a lot more during the winter since I like to hibernate when its cold outside. Sure, I'll enjoy an occasional snow - who doesn't like biting it on the way to work on black ice? But in general, on a cold winter night I'd rather be wrapped up in a blanket, next to a fire.

Lucky for me, I was able to do just that tonight. One of my other favorite things to do is discover new music that I like. Thank you Pandora! Case in point - tonight I discovered the song Crazy as Me by Alison Kraus. If you don't know the wonders of her music - check it out. She's a bit off the beaten path (down the lane to bluegrass a little), but that's what makes her unique. And, I love the lyrics:

Crazy As Me

I'm used to being alone

Except for six month flings with diamond rings

And phone bills that outweigh the phone

This is the life that I chose

I got no complaints if he is

If he ain't, and if he is I guess he'll send me a rose

Just don't ask me for the truth if you choose to lie honey

And don't try to open my door with your skeleton key

Some folks seem to think I only got one problem

I can't find nobody as crazy as me.

I still love what I know

I love to ride alone and sing a song and listen to the radio

You can ride along and if you change mind, well

That's just fine, but there's somethin' that you got to know

Just don't ask me for the truth if you choose to lie honey

And don't try to open my door with your skeleton key

Some folks seem to think I only got one problem

I can't find nobody as crazy as me.

:)

I Don't Care About Your Band

I'm not sure if it's that February is the month for lovers, or my recent dating demise, but for some reason this month, I have the urge to write about matters of the heart. I think when you are dealing with such issues, the only good way to do so is with a bit of humor. I mean, if we cant laugh it off, what is the point?

Last summer I read a hilarious book, on this particular subject: I Dont Care About Your Band - What I Learned from Indie Rockers, Trust Funders, Pornographers, Felons, Faux Sensitive Hipsters, and Other Guys I've Dated by Julie Klausner. It's the true story of comedy writer Julie Klausner's rocky road to "romantic enlightenment." It's described as a book about the humiliations we endure to find love and the lessons that can be culled from the wreckage.

I think this book is what I hope portions of this blog to be - a comedic look into insights of dating the interesting, damaged and crazy characters out there. I'm far from a comedian, but she is ...funny. Check it out.

Some of my favorite quotes from this book:

• (Theory on guys vs. women): A man is hard to find, good or otherwise, but guys are everywhere now...Meanwhile, I know way more women than girls...The problem is that we ended up at the mercy of a generation of guys who don't quite seem to know what's expected of them, whether it's earning a double income or texting someone after she blows you. There are no more traditions or standards, and manners are like cleft chins or curly hair - they only run in some families....It seems like everybody is just confused.
• As long as I can remember, I've had to fight off urges to chase and conquer boys who seem blase. It's decidedly unladylike.
• When you're young, and you're habitually dating the damaged, and they don't come through, you have to make the conscious choice to separate the columns in your head that say "This is who i am" and This is how I am being treated." And then you have to figure out how to let go of somebody who's gone, not because your pacified in the realization that you're not liked, but because you figure out that maybe you're the one who doesn't like him. Not just how he acts, but who he is. And then you have to decide if you want to keep going out with guys you don't think are great, or if you like yourself enough to hang out for a while on your own.
• Being the only girl seems like an awful lot of attention, and I was used to feeling like I did backflips for the interest of the one attractive guy who came around every second solstice.
• That's a rule I made up that I think is a good one: If I'm iffy about being attracted to somebody right away, but he goes about pursuing me in a way I think is upstanding, I always give the guy a second chance. It's a way to be strict about your standards, but open-minded about your contenders. Men are way more likely to become more appealing to you over time than they are to magically grow manners.

There are some other funnier, raunchier quotes and insights in this book. But I'll leave that up to you to explore in due time. And one of these days I'll get back to my own writing. For now, though, I'm reflecting on thoughts from those far wiser than me.

Moment in February

I'm stealing this quote from one of my favorite blogs. Her blog is so refreshing and reminds me that each day...is a new day.

"There came a moment in February when the gray sky seemed to drop so low it brushed the top of one's hair, while the slush reached over the tops of shoes and the dry skins on one's face felt as if it were being stretched on a rack and cured for glove leather. Love itself seemed old and worn-out, like she shoes bleached white and brittle from the salt" - Jay McInerney, Brightness Falls

January is usually dreary, and February can follow suit. I don't want to rush time along, heaven's knows it slips by too fast already. But even on the sunniest and bright winter days, I can't help but long for spring...and new beginnings :)

Food Fight

Well...another one bites the dust. I was really hoping this person would not make my blog...but eventually the first date nerves lead to dropped food, butterflies before front door kisses inevitably end in a silent cell phone.

It all starts with hope, and a little trepidation. He's not exactly what you expected - soft-spoken, but with a little prodding, his silly side comes out. He's polite and attentive. He serves you a piece of pizza, but it slips off the plate and slides into your lap. He's embarrassed, you find it cute and you both laugh it off. You look around and see you're the only two still there, as someone sweeps up the pieces of food left by other evening diners. You can't contain your excitement after he drops you at the metro...leaving you with wonder, but hope at what might come.

Then you meet again. And again. You don't realize how much time is going by, as you sit in an empty bar and just talk for hours. It's chilly and you've forgot your gloves, so he lends you his. You brush his hand and hold in a squeel when he finally grabs your hand on the long walk home. He holds on a little tighter as you pass the homeless man, and you feel safe. It's hard to beat those first few new kisses. It's cold outside, but you feel nothing but warmth.

He's attentive, he's genuine, he's sweet. You get a good feeling. It's going fast, but it's going exactly how it should, you think. He opens up to you, you are both vulnerable. You thought you wouldn't get to this point again, but sure enough, here you are again. Yes, those old insecurities rear their ugly head, but you think, this one is different. And you try and trust it. You jump around like a 16-year old as soon as you're safely inside and he's walked to his car.

Then, as subtle as a shifting wind at first, you feel something is off. His pursuit has changed and you don't know how to react. No, that isn't your cell phone going off, and it wont. You try to change your perspective; protect yourself first. It's hard to let something with so much potential go for reasons beyond your control and beyond your understanding. As much as you want to know the reasons, eventually you just accept it. The reasons really aren't as important as the steps you need to take to let go of something that's no longer working.

The past month I got to know someone who I thought could potentially be something very special in my life. He ended up not being that in the end. And while I do have some "blog-worthy" material, and tend to deal with heartache with humor, this one was a bit different. He even said he was trying his best to not make my blog. But I guess fate had other ideas.

Don't despair dear readers. At some point I'm sure I'll be able to delve into the more humorous parts of our courtship. There certainly were blog-worthy moments. But for now, in an effort to make my time with him not a total wash, and in an effort to look at the positive, let me say that I got to spend a short time with someone who, I think deep down is a genuinely good person. For whatever reason, his interest in me waned. But January is always a pretty lame month in my opinion, so I got some fun and excitement out of it. And now, I know that the next (or eventual) guy, can only be that much better. And will also hopefully not throw food at me on our first date :)

The Bachelor: Rolls Part 1

It's been a while, and I realized there are still lots of great/entertaining moments from 2010 that I did not have a proper chance to dish about. The Bachelor, also just came back on the air, and in that spirit, I'd like to bring back my version of the Bachelorette: Re-tards of the Dating World. In this episode, Chris and a true crazy, Rolls, discuss the roller coaster, er should we say "slow dance" of this doomed relationship.

Chris: Rolls, what is your protocol after a first date typically?

Rolls: Ok, Chris. I know where you are going with this. I'm a writer. I like to EXPRESS (mimics Madonna hand motions) myself. We had an AMAZING first date. I mean, it truly was the best 40 dollars I had spent in years. And we...

Chris: Stop. I read this transcript. And let me stop you right here and tell you that if you had simply said that, that would have been enough.

Rolls: Oh hell, no it wasn't enough. Like I said, we got along like a freakin' house on fire, and she deserved to know that. I wanted to see her the next morning, but she said she was busy. And afternoon. And evening. And busy all weekend. I had to sneak my time in so I invited myself to her friend's house warming party. I only hoped that her friends wouldn't rain on the smoldering fire we had built.

Chris: And this was all expressed through text?

Rolls: My finest work to date.

Chris: Uh huh. But you two had a rocky situation, despite the flower-and-roses beginning.

Rolls: I mean I gave her MY ALL. I told her, you have to keep this thing going, so I'd constantly text her question. After question. After question. From the time she got to work, 'til the time she went to bed. And one night, the b-word didn't respond...immediately. I mean, what should she possibly have been doing besides talking to me? And i was all like i KNEW you would do this.

Chris: And this was how long into dating?

Rolls: Uh, post date-two....clearly on the road to engagement.

Chris: Right.

Rolls: So then I tried to take her out dancing, I tried everything, but she was always sooo busy. I mean HOW did she expect to get a boyfriend acting like that.

Chris: I believe the lady in question pre-warned you she'd be busy for a bit.

Rolls: BULL. Game players. I don't wanna be a player anymore.

Chris: Seriously, dude? She was moving, starting a new job...

Rolls: Not acceptable. I mean I showered her with attention day in and day out, asking her every aspect of her day, what was the favorite, least favorite, if she had fish, turkey or chicken for lunch and how many buttons were on her blouse and did she once, ever ask me "Oh hey Rolls....So what is your favorite holiday and why? How about favorite obscure random tv character...and why." NO. NOT ONCE.

Chris: Yeah, I could see that as coming off as uninterested??

Rolls: Totally. So I finally said, Yo...I am squashing this shit.

Chris: That's how you ended it?

Rolls: I made sure to also inform her that she was F*ing boring too.

Chris: Well, that's real mature of you.

Rolls: Weird, she told me the same thing.

Chris: And yes, audience, let me point out that this was not the end of this romantic disaster. For, a mere month later, Rolls came crawling back. But that's all the time - and craziness - we can take for one episode. More on Rolls part duex next time.

2010 in 38 Questions

So, apparently I thought I'd have some more holidays lessons learned to share. And I do, but I came across this blog that had some great reflective questions for 2010...so I've decided to do that instead. It sounded more fun. Sorry, thematic ADD I suppose.

1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?

Left my first professional job.

Moved to another state/district.

Attempted wakeboarding!

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I never make hard and fast resolutions. And honestly, I cant remember what my resolution was from last year! So, I guess I didn't have one to break. I will be making a resolution this year: live healthier. In all aspects - body, mind, spirit etc. I need to get to the gym more often; I need to get outside more often; and be kind to my body (sleep before midnight is supposed to be the best!). This applies to my mind too, so I need to write more, read more and overall have some more creative outlets. So 2011 = healthy bod/mind year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Yes, a good friend had a baby and it was surreal! I believe I summarized meeting the baby in an earlier post (that's a whole other story), but babies are starting to grow on me..and his sure is a cutie!

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Unfortunately yes. It was someone I had been closer with many years ago, but I'll never forget him. He was so full of life and taken far, far too young. His passing brought back some crazy memories and encounters with people I never thought I'd see again. But in the end, strangely enough, that brought me a peace that I'd never had before. And I'm sure he was looking down and laughing the whole time.

5. What countries did you visit?

Sadly 2010 was not a big travel year for me...the good US of A got all of me this year, greedy ho.

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?

Money and man love. Basically I guess I'm looking for a sugar daddy? Haha ;) And just more relaxation time. I think I spent 2010 always on the go. I need some down time in 2011.

7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory and why?

June 24 - the last day of work at my first "real" job. I loved working there and the people I worked with. But it was time to go, so it was a very bittersweet day that I will always remember. Somehow I managed to keep it together and then once the happy hour started, it was all smiles.

September 11 - the day an underdog college football team kicked a rival schools ass. People refused to even bet me in this game - please.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Getting a new job in June and a potential offer for another.

9. What was your biggest failure?

I dont think I took care of myself like I should. Too much partying and lack of sleep is actually catching up to me. I need to find a better balance.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Despite a minor incident of a faux-heart attack turned heart burn (yes, I called my doctor, family members and multiple friends), I was relatively illness free. Just the usual wear-and-tear from question 9 and seasonal allergies. And the last few weeks of pumping my immune system with airborne. Damn I sound very sickly, gotta change this for '11.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

My new MAC!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

My old boss. She couldn't have been more gracious when I gave me two-weeks, and she continues to help mentor my career and personal path. She is definitely my role model.

My friends (especially those who went on a certain summer camping trip) and my parents.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

It always shocks me when you think you know someone and then they turn out to not be who you thought. And more so, they turn out to be selfish, cruel and heartless. There was one person in particular this year that "appalled and depressed" me. But now looking back on it, I just feel sorry for him, and those close to him.

There have been others, but I think overall, people just need to be kinder to one another, in every aspect.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Rent, parking tickets, replacement retainer (ugh).

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

My new job! My new apartment in a new city! Summer and spending it with friends and family at the river.

16. What song will always remind you of 2010?

Ah soo many. Right now that Enrique Iglesias song is coming to mind. Also, countless Lady Gaga songs too.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?

a) happier

b) hmm, I'd like to say about the same, but might have packed on a few pounds this holiday season.

c) again, probably about the same, sadly. at least its not poorer!

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Game nights, writing, traveling.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Drinking and staying out late.

Obsessing about things that really don't matter.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

I spent Christmas with my family in Richmond. I recovered from a cold and laid-low most of the time. I did enjoy myself at my families Christmas Eve party and caught up with some good friends.

21. Did you fall in love in 2010?

No, but I think I fell out of love/lust/infatuation with a person that I needed to.

22. What was your favorite TV program?

How I Met Your Mother. Also recently got hooked on old seasons of Dexter and The Tudors, thanks to Netflix.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

No.

24. What was the best book you read?

Little Bee by Chris Cleave.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Eric Church

Ingrid Michaelson

Phoenix

26. What did you want and get?

A new job in an environmental field.

27. What did you want and not get?

A boy toy (to keep).

A trip to Ireland.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

Oh my, this was tough. My mom always gets me a DVD for Christmas and I had a tough time coming up with one this year! I chose Eat, Pray, Love but now that I think about it, I think my favorite was this kinda unknown moving called Young Victoria. Love historical stuff like that.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 26 in June. It also happened to be my last day at work. So I spent it with coworkers who had become some of my closest friends. Then we ended the night with a going away/birthday happy hour. Another good food threw me a dinner and made the BEST CAKE EVER. (It had dolphins on it). And yet another friend threw me a party out on the town and friends from here and out of town came to celebrate. I definitely felt the love this year for multiple birthday celebrations :)

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

To have some of my friends and family a bit closer. They aren't that far, but sometimes a few trips a year just isn't enough.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?

I think 2010 was the year of: Dress for the Weather. Winter was unusually ridiculous with multiple blizzards, so I dressed warmed for that. Summer was effing hot as hell, so again, I found myself picking outfits that would keep the sweat at bay. Not really stylish, but what can you do?

32. What kept you sane?

Wine with friends. Laughing with friends. Going to the river to get away and chill out with friends and fam.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Derek Jeter still hasn't tied the knot yet...

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

Oh politics. Considering where I live, I guess I should care more...but I don't. I guess I had a professional stake in the passing of the Dream Act, but that didnt work out.

35. Who did you miss?

Friends and family.

36. Who was the best new person you met?

This is a hard one. I'd probably have to pick one of my new coworkers who started a week after I did at my new job. It's always scary starting somewhere where you dont know anyone, but we got to do it together, and she's just a hilarious nut.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.

I know I keep bringing this up, but I think 2009 and 2010 both taught me how valuable health is. It's something I've personally always taken for granted, but to be healthy is a blessing. And happiness can stem from a healthy lifestyle.

I've also relearned that some people can suck, some make mistakes, but life goes on. People are also good and can surprise you. Be grateful. Things can start looking different.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

When I get home tonight
I’ll open the window an’ let whatever roll in
An’ if there’s no breeze, that’s cool with me
I’ll just raise my sail, an’ wait on the wind, yeah

Yeah tomorrow I'm takin’ me fishin’
Hang a sign on the door of my life
Tell the world that I’ve gone missin’
An’ I won’t be back for a while
I’m so tired of only wishin’
I could leave my troubles behind
I wanna be front porch rockin’
With a big sun droppin’ in a blue sky
Kick back an’ get high
Kick back an' get high
On the livin’ part of life

Holiday Lessons Learned: Part 1

I've only been home for the holidays for a little over 24 hours and I'm already picking up some valuable lessons for the holidays, and well, life in general. Since I have a good 5 more days at home (including the actual big day, including family christmas eve party with massive amounts of alcohol), I'm sure there will be far more lessons to be gleaned this festive time of year. But for now:

1. Do not go near a Bass Pro Shop within one week of Christmas. I never really understood my brother's obsession with this place, but not knowing what else to get a 25-year-old grad student for Christmas, I thought a gift card would hit the I'm-extremetly-into-fishing spot. The first obstacle was finding the damn store. Its highly visible off the highway, but is there an exit pointing to it? No. Did it show up in my GPS? No - but a Bass Pro Shop 145.7 miles away did; helpful. After driving around an industrial park for about 15 minutes, screaming profanities in my car and finally 411-ing the hell-hole of a store, I found it was right across the street. Maybe the MASSIVE fish monument (I think that's appropriate, given the size) chilling on the side of the rode should have been a slight indicator. Everyone and their brother, sister, uncle, cousin, grandma got run over by a reindeer were there. I'll admit, my hometown probably enjoys this place more than the typical average city-goer would, but wow. This place is an experience. They freakin' sell popcorn outside like you are going to the movies. I got my gift card, and got the hell out of there. Brother, you better appreciate this gift. OMG I shit you not, a f*ing Bass Pro Shop commercial just came on TV. It's taking over.

2. If you drink enough Airborne, you'll begin to enjoy the taste. I'm fighting a cold, and am hell-bent to get rid of it before Christmas if at all possible. So, I've been taking Airborne: Very Berry flavor, every 4 hours, on the hour, since I got home. At first I was all "gulp, gulp, gag, gaaaag, ack, blach, gulp". But I'm sitting here sipping on a nice cold class right now and almost forget I was taking a nasty medicine. According to their website this is their "newest taste sensation". Love it - gotta try Pink Grapefruit next. Only four mor hours until my next dose! :)

3. Remember the movie The Santa Clause? It's been on ABC Fam a lot this season and I sat down to relive the magic of this classic movie with the dude from Home Improvement. Um, this movie came out 16 years ago!? I was like, did I do my math right? I was 10 when this movie came out?? That just doesn't seem right does it?? Oh my.

So that's my little gift to you this season....the wisdom of knowing that Bass Pro is taking over the world and Airborne is taking over my immune system b/c I'm sick and old (considering the decade+ that has past since this old Christmas classic came out). Like how I tied all that together?

Merry Christmas!

Five Minutes

Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010. (Author:Patti Digh)

Summing up 2010 in five minutes? Challenge accepted!

Ringing in the New Year with best friends - resulting in some amazing memories (see post entitled Scarf), new friends and minor injuries. Mother nature at it's best, resulting in the (2-3?) biggest snowfalls I've ever seen; a week off work and major alcohol consumption followed by many, many, game nights. A new job and a move to a new city/district. A memorable camping trip that was a true combination of the good, the bad and the ugly (if my friends are still friends with me now after that disaster, they are true, blue). Dates with some nice guys, dates with some crazy dates, dates with some unbeknownst married guys, and the wrath that followed when found out. Many wonderful weekends at the river with friends and family, soaking up the sun, chilling on the dock and generally enjoying life at it's best. Making it to not quite 10 Nats games and rooting on the Yankees to another almost world series appearance - next year boys! Losing a good friend, and facing the inevitable ex that I'd yet to confront. Strengthening friendships and being reminded that while there is a lot of I still want, I'm pretty damn lucky.

5 minutes is not enough, but that's a snapshot ;)

One word: Movement

Well, I certainly was on my high horse that last few posts - going off about how I love to write and proclaiming to write something every day in November. Hmm, did real well with that one. 2010 is wrapping up and my blog posting the second half of the year has been just abysmal. But, I came across a site today that has inspired me: Reverb 10 is an online initiative that encourages participants to reflect on this year and manifest what's next. They post a new prompt each day; now I'm not promising to keep up each day, but for the prompts that inspire me, I hope to see a few more entries under December. So, to begin this project, they ask you to encapsulate the year 2010 in one word...then, to imagine it's one year from today and describe the word you hope captures 2011.

I think the word the best encapsulates 2010 for me is movement. This year has highlighted by two major changes: I moved from a comfortable job to a new job in a field I'm passionate about. I'm currently in the process of pursuing another opportunity that will continue propelling me forward. I also moved from the state I've lived in my entire life. Granted, it was just across "state" lines, but it's still a move.

I contemplated using change, but I think movement is a better term. Change seems very black and white; it feels like you have a start and end goal. But my life over the past year continues to propel me forward, to an ultimate goal of fully finding myself, and complete, overall happiness. To me, movement, "a series of organized activities working toward an objective" defines my past year. These outside changes (new job, new place) has only further fueled internal changes and opened more questions for myself. 2010 was a great stepping stone; I'm still not unsure of my final destination, but I feel like I'm on the right path.

For 2011 I want my word to be: love. There were a lot of words that popped in my mind: decisiveness, spice. And these are things I want, but ultimately I'd love (see that?) to describe the year as love. A friend asked me how I'd describe my life and I said I was content with my life. But, he made the absolutely correct point that i should LOVE my life. So i want that for 2011. I'm ready for a relationship with a nice lad (where are you boys?). I want to love my life everyday when I wake up, grateful for my friends and family and all the awesome people in my life. I think I get overwhelmed with all the amazing choices in my life and I get blinded to the point that I stop appreciating what I have. I need to love the decisions I make. I need to accept my life is continually moving, and changing, and love all the craziness that comes with that!

Movement and love. Sounds like a a bad romance novel/porn fail :)

Scarf

In honor of NaNoWrMo, I've decided to try and compose the next great American novel. But, to keep it from my loyal readership for an entire month is just wrong. So I will attempt to write and post a chapter of my masterpiece each day of November. The goal of NaNoWrMo is write 50,000 words in a month. Now I dont know if I'll reach that goal, but my personal goal is to entertain. This is more a sneakpeak into a group of friends. Each "chapter" will be a snippet of their lives and the chaos that typically ensues. Enjoy.

It was the eve of a new year and "the gang" was gearing up to ring in 2010 together at Blackberry's NYE party. Having just really formed a strong group bond a few months before, this was to be the first NYE they would ring in together. Being the Italian Mother (IM) that she is, IM offered to help set up and make some food for the occassion. Not wanting to look like a total bum, I agreed to help and even attempt to cook. The night began innocently enough with the three of us whipping up culinary delights, including a fruity but sensibily spiked juice, and awaiting the guests, and inevitable craziness.

Just like any other night, it began innocently enough. I was sipping on said juice, as were many of the other guests. The hours slipped by as drinking game were played and we tried to wash 2009 down, along with our livers. At some point, the juice - once equal parts juice and alcohol - became a dangerous ratio of 1 million parts vodka to 1/4 of a teaspoon juice. Our friend Italian Stallion learned the hard way that colds and spiked juice, coupled with love, jealousy and apparel loss leads to a shitstorm of miscommunication and broken hearts.

I will say, for his part, Italian Stallion held his own for most of the evening. Forced to witness the loving boyfriend of an ex-conquest, he sucked it up and enjoyed the party. Until he hit the wall. And when you hit that wall of emotions, there is just no going back. And then the little comments started flowing. Reason left the premises and anger entered. Believe me, we all had enough regrets for one year, but alcohol-induced resentment was not what anyone was hoping to see that evening, especially not Italian Stallion's (IS) ex-love, also known as the host of the party.

Blackberry handled the situation with class and kindly told IS to leave. Even his friends knew it was time that they lock that horse up for the night. So, like true friends would, they helped him downstairs to grab his coat. Blackberry made sure he was doing OK too. But it was a really cold night, and Italian stallion could not seem to find his scarf! At that point, etiquette contends that you forego the scarf, go home, and recover your dignity. But he was not leaving without that scarf! All other lucid thoughts of the night had long since left him, but he knew he could not leave without his beloved scarf.

Blackberry had had enough, and rightly so. She again, urged them to leave and asked It. Stallion what could possibly be holding him up. He thought back on all the good times they had spent together after kickball and game nights. He was hurt. How could she not know what he was looking for. The audacity! They had spend 3-4 good dates/slightly drunk makeout sessions together, this was outrageous. He looked at her, and as serious as he'd been all night, said with authority, "YOU know what my scarf looks like." I mean how could she not know what his scarf looks like!? How dare she not be able to pick it out, amongst the many other dozens and dozens of scarves worn that night, strewn across her room.

In the end Italian Stalian got his scarf back. And it's a good thing, he had a long walk of shame home.

I'm baaack!

As is "customary" for this blog (I think customary refers to more than a blog that has been running for slightly longer than this here guy ..but go with it...) I tend to grab summer and all it's glory and run as far from my computer as I can. Which is actually sad because, just this summer in fact, I got this brand new shiny Mac - which I loooove. But, my point being - I'm a little rusty, I need to get back into this ole' blogging thing.

I also want to get back to this because this is my roots. I am a writer. And lately I've been in a rut. Nothing wrong, per say, just not particularly enthused/excited/ecstatic with life. But I think it comes down to my creative release, or lack of one lately. Writing is my release. And writing in this forum, where, even if no one reads, I can still put my words out to the world. "Open my heart to the universe" as a wise friend once said (or a hippie yoga-freak, more likely).

Someone recently responded in shock when I told them what I did for a living. I said with pride, that i was an editor. I write. This person laughed, and then, with a look of absolutely astonishment on their face said, "What!?! You can hardly utter a coherent sentence!" 1. You are an ass. 2. That might be true, but when I sit in front of my computer (old school pen and paper, the machines change, the method does not), I'd like to think I can change that perception. Yes, I have my awkward moments in life. I've accepted that, and I think that lead to many a funny story in my life. Maybe verbally expressing myself isn't my forte. But bottom line is that I'm a writer. I love words. I love telling stories - or re-telling stories.

So this is my way of getting back to who I am. Maybe no one reads this, and that is fine. Maybe if you met me IRL (!!) you'd be shocked at the poetic lyricsm that flows from these fingertips (wink ;) har, har). But as my yoga instructor told me last night, as I nearly fell over for the 5th time during "tree" pose - you have to let the energy flow all the way through, out past your fingertips.

And that's what writing does for me. I take all these crazy, insane thoughts in my head, and I push that energy out through my fingertips, through the keys of this sweet-ass mac, to your screen. My oratory skills my be lacking. Hell, my social skills may need some work. But, damn it, I will write you under the table.

Take it or leave it people, I'm back!

A Memory

It's been months, you've moved on - at first it was a hopeful quest, and then it became something you had to do for your sanity. You tell yourself, and honestly believe that it was for the best. This is how it was supposed to be. Some have even said you "dodged a bullet." You see him pop up on gchat every one and a while. And while it sometimes, still pulls at your heartstrings, you no longer feel what you used to - you no longer feel much at all. And again, you internally pat yourself on the back, thinking of how far you've come. How far the circle of it all has come - from intrigue, to juggling, to the realization to feelings, to slow heartache, to friendship? Or whatever it is that you are now at.

And you go on with your life. You go out with your friends, you have new crushes, get excited about new boys. You are very content, happy in your life. One night you have a lovely birthday dinner with a friend - mac& cheese and a couple glasses of sparkling white on a beautiful and a surprisingly cool night for this hellish summer. Maybe it's the nostalgia a rainy summer night can bring, or that its the same time of the year when you first begin that fun, crazy summer romance, once so carefree. Maybe its in the face of another budding romance that you remember the potential it all once had, but you stumble on a photo. Or a conversation. All those feelings, you long since swept under the rug, come rushing out.

You have the intense urge to talk to him, but know you cant. You know that whatever it was you shared all those months ago, is long since gone. You wonder what he is doing right now, but realize that will get you nowhere. With those that have come in between, there has not been anything close to what you didnt know you had, at the time. You're not comparing, just realize that was something special that wouldnt be as much, if it was so common. Though you sometime question it, you firmly believe everything happens for a reason. Sometimes, those reasons take longer to figure out, and sometimes you never really do. So, you suck it up, remembering the time you never though you'd get to where you are now. You're still surprised by your emotional flashback, but remember it's just that: a flashback. A memory.

"There was a midsummer restlessness abroad - early August with imprudent loves and impulsive crimes. With little more to expect from summer, one tried anxiously to live in the present- or, if there was no present, to invent one." - F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Last Tycoon

Guest Blogger: Chuck Norris!

(Editor's note: I am happy to bring you the first of what I hope are many guest blog posts. This guest blog is written by a good friend who will be known a Chuck Norris. This codename has a variety of ties with his actual personality, not least of all that he hails from the great state of Texas. Anyways, without further adieu, I give you Chuck Norris.)

Hello. How has your day been going? Never mind that. Now I know we don't know each other, but I want to ask you something. Can you please try to remember this in the future? I mean, try to remember the first time you read this. I ask of this because I don't want you to forget. Not that I don't want you to forget me, but I don't want you to forget the first time you read this. I'm serious. Look at the time. What time is it? Is it 9:09 am? Is it 4:59 pm? Is it cold where you are at? Is it really quiet, or can you hear your obnoxious co-worker going on and on about their weekend trip to Kennebunkport, Maine. Hey, I don't have a problem with New England adventures and cold air coastlines. But when they are visited by and then told of by someone I don't care too much for, I find them hard to like at that moment. Now, if the trip had been revisited by a friend or someone whose company I enjoy, then perhaps I wouldn't say such things. After all, what are friends for?

Surely you can appreciate friends or the company you keep. See, the company you keep at one point or another, must have been a worthwhile endeavor. Can you remember the first time you met a good friend? Your neighbor? Your brother? Your sister? I'm beginning to sound like that guy in that five-hour energy drink commercial.

Well, let's see, where do I begin?

Let me tell you about the first time I met one of my good friends (editor's note: me!). I, well I was eating a really boring meal. And she, well she was reading F.Scott Fitzgerald , I think it was This Side of Paradise. I know it wasn't The Great Gatsby, for had it been, I would have been able to talk about Gatsby. Instead it was, "yeah I like Fitzgerald, but not as much as the one who wrote The Snows of Kilimanjaro. Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah." I'm sure if God were watching this unfold, he/she would have been asking, "What day is it? Sunday?" And one of his/her little helpers would have answered, "It's more like Monday."

It's not that listening to the bs or small talk that came out of my mouth wasn't a worthwhile exercise, but anyone reading F. Scott Fitzgerald in the school cafeteria would certainly be able to see right through my bs. And I know you may think BS is bad. But let us examine if by viewing BS from the bigger frame, we can see how much of a good or a bad thing BS might be.

Think.

What if BS never existed? Politiks and perhaps prose would be shown the door immediately. Sen. Joseph McCarthy and the red scare? Nope, as Edward Murrow would have said something much earlier. Christopher Columbus discovering what is now known as the West Indies? Nope, as the Queen would have rejected BS. She knew BS when she saw it. And the Trojan horse? Well, you can forget about that too. So you see, without BS, very important circumstances in our world's history would have been nullified. Instead, they are now vilified! Well somewhat. I don't think shooting the bs with a bound-to-be-friend acquaintance is so bad. I mean, it eventually led to in-depth conversations about life, liberty, and the pursuit of romance. She calls them "heart-to-hearts." But if held after having a few drinks, I call them reality checks (we can talk about reality checks at much later night).

But reality isn't so bad. Once you know that we are all in this together, then you know that BS can be quite fun. If you haven't done it, I urge you to try it. But beware, sophistication doesn't come overnight, and even the best of the best have slipped. Just ask Bill Clinton, Tiger Woods, and Winona Rider.

Saved by the Sea

What are springs and waterfalls?

Here is the spring of springs,

the waterfall of waterfalls.

A storm in the fall or winter

is the time to visit it;

a light-house or a fisherman’s hut the true hotel.

A man may stand there and put all of America

behind him. ”

- Henry David Thoreau

Sometimes, when the week has been too long and you realize that even the nicest people are starting to get under your skin, it's time for an escape. I had one of those types of weeks last week. I am lucky to live in a culturally rich city. People flock to cities to cultivate their intellect, open their minds to new people and experiment with foods, art, music - enrich themselves. But people are drawn to nature when they need to clear their mind of the clutter, refresh their energy and come back "home again." For me, the ocean, the waves crashing on the shore or and the sand beneath my feet, takes me to this place. I feel at peace near water. Or sitting on a boat, feeling the lull of the tides, I am both at ease and rejuvenated.

Unfortunately, I can't get to the beach as often as I'd like. I'm lucky when I am able to make it down to my families river house, something I hope to do much more of this summer. But it is because of this effect water has on me that the BP oil disaster is especially devastating, in addition to the environmental and economic havoc it is reeking. How can we be so careless with something so important and fragile?

This is what David Helvarg explores in his new book "Saved by the Sea." Helvarg is a journalist who has covered many international issues over the year, but truly made an impact when writing on the environment. This latest book recounts how he transitioned from a journalist to dedicating his life and work to preserving the world's oceans.

Below is a short excerpt. I've never read nay of Helvarg's stuff, but I plan on reading this book this summer, hopefully somewhere where the waves can reach my toes.

"We broke up, but not cleanly. I moved to D.C., away from her and my other love, the sea. Right after I started writing the ocean book I’d always wanted to, she found a lump in her breast. I was with her through the chemo, which was awful but seemed to work. I finished Blue Frontier (W.H. Freeman) and was on the Deep East Expedition 100 miles off Nantucket when Al Qaeda hit the twin towers. When I got back to land Nancy told me her cancer was back. I was with her for the last few months, in the hospital and home hospice, where we could watch the waters of the bay flowing in and out with the tide. After she died at 43 we had a memorial service on one of her favorite beaches. It was a gusty day, feisty like the gal, with the winds whipping the sand and frothing the cold translucent waves. She used to say I never looked happier than when I was coming out of the water after getting beat up by the waves. But the ocean can also provide solace, give you a sense of being part of something larger, even when large parts of your own soul have torn away."