I Don't Care About Your Band

I'm not sure if it's that February is the month for lovers, or my recent dating demise, but for some reason this month, I have the urge to write about matters of the heart. I think when you are dealing with such issues, the only good way to do so is with a bit of humor. I mean, if we cant laugh it off, what is the point?

Last summer I read a hilarious book, on this particular subject: I Dont Care About Your Band - What I Learned from Indie Rockers, Trust Funders, Pornographers, Felons, Faux Sensitive Hipsters, and Other Guys I've Dated by Julie Klausner. It's the true story of comedy writer Julie Klausner's rocky road to "romantic enlightenment." It's described as a book about the humiliations we endure to find love and the lessons that can be culled from the wreckage.

I think this book is what I hope portions of this blog to be - a comedic look into insights of dating the interesting, damaged and crazy characters out there. I'm far from a comedian, but she is ...funny. Check it out.

Some of my favorite quotes from this book:

• (Theory on guys vs. women): A man is hard to find, good or otherwise, but guys are everywhere now...Meanwhile, I know way more women than girls...The problem is that we ended up at the mercy of a generation of guys who don't quite seem to know what's expected of them, whether it's earning a double income or texting someone after she blows you. There are no more traditions or standards, and manners are like cleft chins or curly hair - they only run in some families....It seems like everybody is just confused.
• As long as I can remember, I've had to fight off urges to chase and conquer boys who seem blase. It's decidedly unladylike.
• When you're young, and you're habitually dating the damaged, and they don't come through, you have to make the conscious choice to separate the columns in your head that say "This is who i am" and This is how I am being treated." And then you have to figure out how to let go of somebody who's gone, not because your pacified in the realization that you're not liked, but because you figure out that maybe you're the one who doesn't like him. Not just how he acts, but who he is. And then you have to decide if you want to keep going out with guys you don't think are great, or if you like yourself enough to hang out for a while on your own.
• Being the only girl seems like an awful lot of attention, and I was used to feeling like I did backflips for the interest of the one attractive guy who came around every second solstice.
• That's a rule I made up that I think is a good one: If I'm iffy about being attracted to somebody right away, but he goes about pursuing me in a way I think is upstanding, I always give the guy a second chance. It's a way to be strict about your standards, but open-minded about your contenders. Men are way more likely to become more appealing to you over time than they are to magically grow manners.

There are some other funnier, raunchier quotes and insights in this book. But I'll leave that up to you to explore in due time. And one of these days I'll get back to my own writing. For now, though, I'm reflecting on thoughts from those far wiser than me.

Moment in February

I'm stealing this quote from one of my favorite blogs. Her blog is so refreshing and reminds me that each day...is a new day.

"There came a moment in February when the gray sky seemed to drop so low it brushed the top of one's hair, while the slush reached over the tops of shoes and the dry skins on one's face felt as if it were being stretched on a rack and cured for glove leather. Love itself seemed old and worn-out, like she shoes bleached white and brittle from the salt" - Jay McInerney, Brightness Falls

January is usually dreary, and February can follow suit. I don't want to rush time along, heaven's knows it slips by too fast already. But even on the sunniest and bright winter days, I can't help but long for spring...and new beginnings :)

Food Fight

Well...another one bites the dust. I was really hoping this person would not make my blog...but eventually the first date nerves lead to dropped food, butterflies before front door kisses inevitably end in a silent cell phone.

It all starts with hope, and a little trepidation. He's not exactly what you expected - soft-spoken, but with a little prodding, his silly side comes out. He's polite and attentive. He serves you a piece of pizza, but it slips off the plate and slides into your lap. He's embarrassed, you find it cute and you both laugh it off. You look around and see you're the only two still there, as someone sweeps up the pieces of food left by other evening diners. You can't contain your excitement after he drops you at the metro...leaving you with wonder, but hope at what might come.

Then you meet again. And again. You don't realize how much time is going by, as you sit in an empty bar and just talk for hours. It's chilly and you've forgot your gloves, so he lends you his. You brush his hand and hold in a squeel when he finally grabs your hand on the long walk home. He holds on a little tighter as you pass the homeless man, and you feel safe. It's hard to beat those first few new kisses. It's cold outside, but you feel nothing but warmth.

He's attentive, he's genuine, he's sweet. You get a good feeling. It's going fast, but it's going exactly how it should, you think. He opens up to you, you are both vulnerable. You thought you wouldn't get to this point again, but sure enough, here you are again. Yes, those old insecurities rear their ugly head, but you think, this one is different. And you try and trust it. You jump around like a 16-year old as soon as you're safely inside and he's walked to his car.

Then, as subtle as a shifting wind at first, you feel something is off. His pursuit has changed and you don't know how to react. No, that isn't your cell phone going off, and it wont. You try to change your perspective; protect yourself first. It's hard to let something with so much potential go for reasons beyond your control and beyond your understanding. As much as you want to know the reasons, eventually you just accept it. The reasons really aren't as important as the steps you need to take to let go of something that's no longer working.

The past month I got to know someone who I thought could potentially be something very special in my life. He ended up not being that in the end. And while I do have some "blog-worthy" material, and tend to deal with heartache with humor, this one was a bit different. He even said he was trying his best to not make my blog. But I guess fate had other ideas.

Don't despair dear readers. At some point I'm sure I'll be able to delve into the more humorous parts of our courtship. There certainly were blog-worthy moments. But for now, in an effort to make my time with him not a total wash, and in an effort to look at the positive, let me say that I got to spend a short time with someone who, I think deep down is a genuinely good person. For whatever reason, his interest in me waned. But January is always a pretty lame month in my opinion, so I got some fun and excitement out of it. And now, I know that the next (or eventual) guy, can only be that much better. And will also hopefully not throw food at me on our first date :)

The Bachelor: Rolls Part 1

It's been a while, and I realized there are still lots of great/entertaining moments from 2010 that I did not have a proper chance to dish about. The Bachelor, also just came back on the air, and in that spirit, I'd like to bring back my version of the Bachelorette: Re-tards of the Dating World. In this episode, Chris and a true crazy, Rolls, discuss the roller coaster, er should we say "slow dance" of this doomed relationship.

Chris: Rolls, what is your protocol after a first date typically?

Rolls: Ok, Chris. I know where you are going with this. I'm a writer. I like to EXPRESS (mimics Madonna hand motions) myself. We had an AMAZING first date. I mean, it truly was the best 40 dollars I had spent in years. And we...

Chris: Stop. I read this transcript. And let me stop you right here and tell you that if you had simply said that, that would have been enough.

Rolls: Oh hell, no it wasn't enough. Like I said, we got along like a freakin' house on fire, and she deserved to know that. I wanted to see her the next morning, but she said she was busy. And afternoon. And evening. And busy all weekend. I had to sneak my time in so I invited myself to her friend's house warming party. I only hoped that her friends wouldn't rain on the smoldering fire we had built.

Chris: And this was all expressed through text?

Rolls: My finest work to date.

Chris: Uh huh. But you two had a rocky situation, despite the flower-and-roses beginning.

Rolls: I mean I gave her MY ALL. I told her, you have to keep this thing going, so I'd constantly text her question. After question. After question. From the time she got to work, 'til the time she went to bed. And one night, the b-word didn't respond...immediately. I mean, what should she possibly have been doing besides talking to me? And i was all like i KNEW you would do this.

Chris: And this was how long into dating?

Rolls: Uh, post date-two....clearly on the road to engagement.

Chris: Right.

Rolls: So then I tried to take her out dancing, I tried everything, but she was always sooo busy. I mean HOW did she expect to get a boyfriend acting like that.

Chris: I believe the lady in question pre-warned you she'd be busy for a bit.

Rolls: BULL. Game players. I don't wanna be a player anymore.

Chris: Seriously, dude? She was moving, starting a new job...

Rolls: Not acceptable. I mean I showered her with attention day in and day out, asking her every aspect of her day, what was the favorite, least favorite, if she had fish, turkey or chicken for lunch and how many buttons were on her blouse and did she once, ever ask me "Oh hey Rolls....So what is your favorite holiday and why? How about favorite obscure random tv character...and why." NO. NOT ONCE.

Chris: Yeah, I could see that as coming off as uninterested??

Rolls: Totally. So I finally said, Yo...I am squashing this shit.

Chris: That's how you ended it?

Rolls: I made sure to also inform her that she was F*ing boring too.

Chris: Well, that's real mature of you.

Rolls: Weird, she told me the same thing.

Chris: And yes, audience, let me point out that this was not the end of this romantic disaster. For, a mere month later, Rolls came crawling back. But that's all the time - and craziness - we can take for one episode. More on Rolls part duex next time.

2010 in 38 Questions

So, apparently I thought I'd have some more holidays lessons learned to share. And I do, but I came across this blog that had some great reflective questions for 2010...so I've decided to do that instead. It sounded more fun. Sorry, thematic ADD I suppose.

1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?

Left my first professional job.

Moved to another state/district.

Attempted wakeboarding!

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I never make hard and fast resolutions. And honestly, I cant remember what my resolution was from last year! So, I guess I didn't have one to break. I will be making a resolution this year: live healthier. In all aspects - body, mind, spirit etc. I need to get to the gym more often; I need to get outside more often; and be kind to my body (sleep before midnight is supposed to be the best!). This applies to my mind too, so I need to write more, read more and overall have some more creative outlets. So 2011 = healthy bod/mind year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Yes, a good friend had a baby and it was surreal! I believe I summarized meeting the baby in an earlier post (that's a whole other story), but babies are starting to grow on me..and his sure is a cutie!

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Unfortunately yes. It was someone I had been closer with many years ago, but I'll never forget him. He was so full of life and taken far, far too young. His passing brought back some crazy memories and encounters with people I never thought I'd see again. But in the end, strangely enough, that brought me a peace that I'd never had before. And I'm sure he was looking down and laughing the whole time.

5. What countries did you visit?

Sadly 2010 was not a big travel year for me...the good US of A got all of me this year, greedy ho.

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?

Money and man love. Basically I guess I'm looking for a sugar daddy? Haha ;) And just more relaxation time. I think I spent 2010 always on the go. I need some down time in 2011.

7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory and why?

June 24 - the last day of work at my first "real" job. I loved working there and the people I worked with. But it was time to go, so it was a very bittersweet day that I will always remember. Somehow I managed to keep it together and then once the happy hour started, it was all smiles.

September 11 - the day an underdog college football team kicked a rival schools ass. People refused to even bet me in this game - please.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Getting a new job in June and a potential offer for another.

9. What was your biggest failure?

I dont think I took care of myself like I should. Too much partying and lack of sleep is actually catching up to me. I need to find a better balance.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Despite a minor incident of a faux-heart attack turned heart burn (yes, I called my doctor, family members and multiple friends), I was relatively illness free. Just the usual wear-and-tear from question 9 and seasonal allergies. And the last few weeks of pumping my immune system with airborne. Damn I sound very sickly, gotta change this for '11.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

My new MAC!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

My old boss. She couldn't have been more gracious when I gave me two-weeks, and she continues to help mentor my career and personal path. She is definitely my role model.

My friends (especially those who went on a certain summer camping trip) and my parents.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

It always shocks me when you think you know someone and then they turn out to not be who you thought. And more so, they turn out to be selfish, cruel and heartless. There was one person in particular this year that "appalled and depressed" me. But now looking back on it, I just feel sorry for him, and those close to him.

There have been others, but I think overall, people just need to be kinder to one another, in every aspect.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Rent, parking tickets, replacement retainer (ugh).

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

My new job! My new apartment in a new city! Summer and spending it with friends and family at the river.

16. What song will always remind you of 2010?

Ah soo many. Right now that Enrique Iglesias song is coming to mind. Also, countless Lady Gaga songs too.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?

a) happier

b) hmm, I'd like to say about the same, but might have packed on a few pounds this holiday season.

c) again, probably about the same, sadly. at least its not poorer!

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Game nights, writing, traveling.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Drinking and staying out late.

Obsessing about things that really don't matter.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

I spent Christmas with my family in Richmond. I recovered from a cold and laid-low most of the time. I did enjoy myself at my families Christmas Eve party and caught up with some good friends.

21. Did you fall in love in 2010?

No, but I think I fell out of love/lust/infatuation with a person that I needed to.

22. What was your favorite TV program?

How I Met Your Mother. Also recently got hooked on old seasons of Dexter and The Tudors, thanks to Netflix.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

No.

24. What was the best book you read?

Little Bee by Chris Cleave.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Eric Church

Ingrid Michaelson

Phoenix

26. What did you want and get?

A new job in an environmental field.

27. What did you want and not get?

A boy toy (to keep).

A trip to Ireland.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

Oh my, this was tough. My mom always gets me a DVD for Christmas and I had a tough time coming up with one this year! I chose Eat, Pray, Love but now that I think about it, I think my favorite was this kinda unknown moving called Young Victoria. Love historical stuff like that.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 26 in June. It also happened to be my last day at work. So I spent it with coworkers who had become some of my closest friends. Then we ended the night with a going away/birthday happy hour. Another good food threw me a dinner and made the BEST CAKE EVER. (It had dolphins on it). And yet another friend threw me a party out on the town and friends from here and out of town came to celebrate. I definitely felt the love this year for multiple birthday celebrations :)

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

To have some of my friends and family a bit closer. They aren't that far, but sometimes a few trips a year just isn't enough.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?

I think 2010 was the year of: Dress for the Weather. Winter was unusually ridiculous with multiple blizzards, so I dressed warmed for that. Summer was effing hot as hell, so again, I found myself picking outfits that would keep the sweat at bay. Not really stylish, but what can you do?

32. What kept you sane?

Wine with friends. Laughing with friends. Going to the river to get away and chill out with friends and fam.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Derek Jeter still hasn't tied the knot yet...

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

Oh politics. Considering where I live, I guess I should care more...but I don't. I guess I had a professional stake in the passing of the Dream Act, but that didnt work out.

35. Who did you miss?

Friends and family.

36. Who was the best new person you met?

This is a hard one. I'd probably have to pick one of my new coworkers who started a week after I did at my new job. It's always scary starting somewhere where you dont know anyone, but we got to do it together, and she's just a hilarious nut.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.

I know I keep bringing this up, but I think 2009 and 2010 both taught me how valuable health is. It's something I've personally always taken for granted, but to be healthy is a blessing. And happiness can stem from a healthy lifestyle.

I've also relearned that some people can suck, some make mistakes, but life goes on. People are also good and can surprise you. Be grateful. Things can start looking different.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

When I get home tonight
I’ll open the window an’ let whatever roll in
An’ if there’s no breeze, that’s cool with me
I’ll just raise my sail, an’ wait on the wind, yeah

Yeah tomorrow I'm takin’ me fishin’
Hang a sign on the door of my life
Tell the world that I’ve gone missin’
An’ I won’t be back for a while
I’m so tired of only wishin’
I could leave my troubles behind
I wanna be front porch rockin’
With a big sun droppin’ in a blue sky
Kick back an’ get high
Kick back an' get high
On the livin’ part of life

Holiday Lessons Learned: Part 1

I've only been home for the holidays for a little over 24 hours and I'm already picking up some valuable lessons for the holidays, and well, life in general. Since I have a good 5 more days at home (including the actual big day, including family christmas eve party with massive amounts of alcohol), I'm sure there will be far more lessons to be gleaned this festive time of year. But for now:

1. Do not go near a Bass Pro Shop within one week of Christmas. I never really understood my brother's obsession with this place, but not knowing what else to get a 25-year-old grad student for Christmas, I thought a gift card would hit the I'm-extremetly-into-fishing spot. The first obstacle was finding the damn store. Its highly visible off the highway, but is there an exit pointing to it? No. Did it show up in my GPS? No - but a Bass Pro Shop 145.7 miles away did; helpful. After driving around an industrial park for about 15 minutes, screaming profanities in my car and finally 411-ing the hell-hole of a store, I found it was right across the street. Maybe the MASSIVE fish monument (I think that's appropriate, given the size) chilling on the side of the rode should have been a slight indicator. Everyone and their brother, sister, uncle, cousin, grandma got run over by a reindeer were there. I'll admit, my hometown probably enjoys this place more than the typical average city-goer would, but wow. This place is an experience. They freakin' sell popcorn outside like you are going to the movies. I got my gift card, and got the hell out of there. Brother, you better appreciate this gift. OMG I shit you not, a f*ing Bass Pro Shop commercial just came on TV. It's taking over.

2. If you drink enough Airborne, you'll begin to enjoy the taste. I'm fighting a cold, and am hell-bent to get rid of it before Christmas if at all possible. So, I've been taking Airborne: Very Berry flavor, every 4 hours, on the hour, since I got home. At first I was all "gulp, gulp, gag, gaaaag, ack, blach, gulp". But I'm sitting here sipping on a nice cold class right now and almost forget I was taking a nasty medicine. According to their website this is their "newest taste sensation". Love it - gotta try Pink Grapefruit next. Only four mor hours until my next dose! :)

3. Remember the movie The Santa Clause? It's been on ABC Fam a lot this season and I sat down to relive the magic of this classic movie with the dude from Home Improvement. Um, this movie came out 16 years ago!? I was like, did I do my math right? I was 10 when this movie came out?? That just doesn't seem right does it?? Oh my.

So that's my little gift to you this season....the wisdom of knowing that Bass Pro is taking over the world and Airborne is taking over my immune system b/c I'm sick and old (considering the decade+ that has past since this old Christmas classic came out). Like how I tied all that together?

Merry Christmas!

Five Minutes

Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010. (Author:Patti Digh)

Summing up 2010 in five minutes? Challenge accepted!

Ringing in the New Year with best friends - resulting in some amazing memories (see post entitled Scarf), new friends and minor injuries. Mother nature at it's best, resulting in the (2-3?) biggest snowfalls I've ever seen; a week off work and major alcohol consumption followed by many, many, game nights. A new job and a move to a new city/district. A memorable camping trip that was a true combination of the good, the bad and the ugly (if my friends are still friends with me now after that disaster, they are true, blue). Dates with some nice guys, dates with some crazy dates, dates with some unbeknownst married guys, and the wrath that followed when found out. Many wonderful weekends at the river with friends and family, soaking up the sun, chilling on the dock and generally enjoying life at it's best. Making it to not quite 10 Nats games and rooting on the Yankees to another almost world series appearance - next year boys! Losing a good friend, and facing the inevitable ex that I'd yet to confront. Strengthening friendships and being reminded that while there is a lot of I still want, I'm pretty damn lucky.

5 minutes is not enough, but that's a snapshot ;)