The Bachelor: Bananarama

As I sit here, watching The Bachelor: The Women Tell All Episode, I can’t help but wonder what the room would look like if all the guys I’ve dated were thrown in there, reminiscing about their experiences with me. Let’s be clear here—I haven’t had the most successful dating life. After a long-term relationship that ended pretty badly, I’ve had to endure the dating scene of D.C., which has been interesting, to say the least. There have been all types, with “weird/awkward” probably being the common thread (I don’t really fall completely out of this definition either). But between the wanna-be-poet who told me about writing a memoir of his grandfather's sexual escapades (on a first date, didnt feel the need for a second) and the man with the unnatural obsession with cooking oils, I've met a few odd birds in my day. Let’s imagine Chris Harrison interviewing some of these fellows. We’ll begin with a unique, sarcastic whip who shall be known as Bananarama

Chris: How did you and our fair lady [I’m the fair lady] meet?

Bananarama: Check it. My boy was in town and although we may be in our mid-to-upper 30s, we decided, bro, gotta hit up Adams Mo. First, I had to be sure to spike my hair and throw on my fave Ed Hardy. Ditch this corporate lawyer shit. So, we’re out, chillen, hitting up that hot spot Fish Bowl when I see her walk in.

Chris: I see, so you made your smooth move and were able to have some quality get-to-know-you time at the bar?

Bananarama: Oh yeah dude. I mean it was probably quarter after 1 when I made the move, had already thrown back a few jack and cokes. I threw out my usual “Yo, girl you are so gorgeous!”

Chris: And that did it for you? She didn’t roll her eyes and as soon as she saw you approaching and thought to herself “Please, dear god, don’t let this loser in a too-tight-tshirt come talk to me, my friend dragged me out here tonight and I’m just not in the moood”.

Bananarama: Nah man, not at all. Then I turned on my lawyer charm and made some semi-intelligent statements.

Chris: That probably caught her off guard. Considering the outfit and all.

Bananarama: Yeah, and then it got better when her friend left her stranded there. Ideally, I like to get the youngins’ alone and vulnerable so they will have no choice but to give me their numbers. When she realized she lost her friends, I knew it was a green flag.

Chris: Alright, so you get her number and then help her find her friends and part ways?

Bananarama: C’mon Chris. Don’t you know how to play the game? I put her in my phone under my future fiancé. Flash a few photos of my "nieces" and lay it on thick. Girls totally dig this, and don't find it forward or weird at all. Then, knowing full well that the bar is closed and won’t let us back in, I tell her we should go outside and look for her friends.

Chris: Creepy.

Bananarama: Exactly! (Big smile spreads across his face.) But damnit, if she didn’t end up finding her friends. I told her to come with me to find my “friend” at McDonalds (aka my apartment) but she stuck with her posse.

Chris: McDonalds was your first mistake. Nobody can resist Jumbo Slice. But I digress. What happened next?

Bananarama: Well, of course I gave her a goodnight kiss- figured I’d give it one more shot. I had to try something after the odd expression she gave me after I told her my age. I think the gelled hair really knocks about 4.5 years off my age.

Chris: Hmm, yes. I’d agree she was a bit taken aback by your age. But who are we to judge? Creep on my friend. According to our cameras though, it appears she gave you what we like to call the “side-cheek” when you went in for that kiss?

Bananarama: She was just temporarily blinded by my sweet metallic shirt. It happens sometimes. I forgave her though.

Chris: So thoughtful of you. Well, time for a commercial break. When we return to The Bachelorette: Re-tards of the Dating World, we’ll get more into Bananarama’s first official date.

Stay tuned.

(In case you are interested, this shirt is called "Deeper Shades of Soul king Centaur Skull Fleur Gold Men's Short Sleeve Polo Shirt in Tan." Oddly, this describes Bananarama to a T.)

Bars 'n Books

Looking towards my weekend on Friday, I had no idea that the events to come would result in another fun blog post. Well, most of the weekend-events were not book-related at all. But one of my favorite blogs does a “Key learnings” section after her weekends to wrap up the things she learned. As I’m still new, I can use all the material I can get, so without further ado…here are some of the (random) key learnings:

• Never go to a bar in an office building that requires you to take an elevator. Although we ended up having fun anyways, this place was one of the sketchier places I have been since moving here.
• Never trust alumni clubs, and always check your tickets. Realizing 30 minutes before a sporting event is about to start that your tickets are actually for April is never a good thing. Going back to the bar to stalk the girl that gave them to you, finding her, and exchanging them for the correct tickets is genius.
• Hockey games are only 3 periods long, chugging the beer you had rationed for the 4th isn’t fun.
• Meeting the young mayor of your college town in a random bar will make any night better.
• Hearing his political raps is like the icing on the cake.
• I heart Ben Bailey (cash cab guy!)
• I still heart the Yankees (despite A-roid)
• If you are trying to hit on a girl at a bar, it’s probably not best to do so by crushing her dreams*.

*I feel that this final point needs a bit of explanation. On Saturday night I met up with a bunch of friends at a nearby bar. We were having a good time when a guy came up and bought us drinks and started talking. At one point in the night we got to talking about NYC and how I wanted to move there one day to pursue a career in book publishing. I’m not sure if he was just trying to make sure the conversation continued or if he really believed this, but he turned to me and said, “You know, I read an article last week saying that book publishing is dead.”

He tells me this after I’ve told him how I had considered moving there for graduate school and definitely wanting to go into the industry. Thank you dream-killer! He went on about new media, kindle, etc. I held on to my firm belief that yes, new media would definitely play a dominant role in the future landscape of book publishing and all publishing in general, but the printed word will adapt.

I admittedly do not know that much about this new e-reading technology, but do you really want to pull that out of your bag at the beach and dig into your guilty beach reading pleasure? Am I the only one who prefers buying books (despite the costs) so I can one day build a huge library and look at all the lovely books I’ve read. The smell of old or brand new books can’t compare to the clean, cold e-readers and e-books. I’m not saying these technologies don’t have their benefits, but I do not see, and truly do not hope, that the book publishing company is on the path towards it death.

What about you? Where do you see the industry going?